dERP HI IVE FORGOTTEN TO UPDATE.
First of all happy holidays because I'm pretty sure I'll go AWOL again before christmas. Secondly I'm sure you guys have noticed that I'm slowly picking away at my art block (as well as other blocks, such as RP and literature) and can only finish (color + shade) certain things. Understand I do want to come back to them and finish them I just have no way of remembering them (chronic bad memory I blame my grandmother ;A; ), and I have a hard time confiding these things. Eoghan, Cethin and Isaac have also been pawing at me for recognition so I may roll towards them more often so anyone wanting to RP with them feel free to bug me-- I'll be getting to the notes I have going --and anyone who RPs with Eoghan will typically get a chibi RP scene ;w; I have also been pondering introducing a bby to the world again (she was actually for PokeCity WAY WAY WAY back when but I never got to use her) well at least into PGA I don't know about anywhere else.
Thirdly, about my groups; I will be attempting to do more work towards %Forgotten-Circus
since I am a mod and I've really derped on getting things done there (I'm sorry Apoca-senpai orz) and the two secondaries of #La-Pokafe
and :devpokemonGIJINKAacademy: with the thirdly being %PokedoEmpire
. I'm sorry that is the line but I did have to drop %Pokecino
because I literally felt no drive despite as blissful or productive I may of been at that time. The sight of it now kind of... depresses me. Ahem in any case! If you guys would, do check those groups out and, as always, you may bother my OCs at my ask blog
. I may go AWOL in intervals but do know I will check back and comment on stuff I've just been... distracted to get my muses reinvigorated.
I've also had to stash most things until I feel like I am able to post them.
HI IVE BEEN AWOL HI SORRY HI FRIENDS.
For like, a little while. I am attempting my damnest to retrieve my art muse and as you can see *waving at Eoghan and Team Mischief* I've somewhat made a comeback though not one to truly dent my block. So I will be semi-hiatus as I dunno how long I may be AWOL time to time. I am sooo sorry old groups, but I want to try something laid back with Pokafe and see if I can revitalize myself-- I've also been trying to write for Shurui and Henry (respectively, %PokedoEmpire
) and have gotten a little bit just not enough to post. I'm also looking into Cethin and Isaac-- more on Cethin than Isa though since yes I DO WANT TO actually forward his plot a little more.
I'm back in full with my RP muse!! So don't be afraid to poke or bother me on Skype to RP with Eoghan, Shurui, Kirs, Cethin or Henry. 8'D They're the best that I can do at the current moment.
Furthermore I apologize for the late replies. ;v; I will be getting to my notes now.
I feel honestly empty but at least we got the internet to work after how long with ATT&T and my uncle's kind nature to answering us at this hour (wow its like 9 already? Orz). I wanted to sate the worry over dA (mostly my friends, mostly the shit going on) and had to check up. Sadly no ability to draw, or write, despite having the muses starting to float and flit around my head.
Still on hiatus, too.
I really want my scanner to scan the art I have done onto dA so at least I look somewhat
productive. And I want to look/join other groups in hopes of riling up the desire to draw again. It's funny how my writer's grip comes back before my artist does.
But regardless, I'm around/alive. Trying to keep sane somehow. *eye twitch eyetwitch*
I want to draw so badly right now it's not even funny but I can't and this sucks. sigh.
I hope all of you had a wonderful Halloween (I saw a Pikachu costume I was SO PROUD) as well as Día de Muertos, cause at least someone would've for me.
Time to dig up the tablet and sketch. /o/
Ugh have I ever mentioned that I don't like having allergies clog my throat/ear cause I swear... otl. Anyway just a tiny update; we are definitely moving as soon as my mom and I feel able to move furniture (and we can't celebrate Halloween while we do which is sad) and whenever Trav feels like coming back over here to help us.
The block I've been having has eaten away most to all of my happy juice and I can't get the artist in me to pick the pen back up. I can only sketch small increments of things that hit me right that second or it flutters off and never comes back. I can't even agonize myself to finishing old art which bothers the fuck out of me because I want to get all those sketches done. I don't know, this used to be my happier time of the year; now I don't want to do anything with it. I don't like having this block, and my mom already has a potential buyer for the house.
I need a spark to get back up and reignite somehow. But I'm scared of any new groups or that I may neglect the ones I'm in. I love these groups that I am in, and don't want to be flighty about any of it. Sigh. I even thought about dropping dA - deactivating and everything - until I can actually do something or if I even can get the muse to come back. I'm frustrated because I gave myself a workload to deal with so I could keep myself busy and not thinking about my depression, that now all I can do is stare and whimper and only think about that depression.
I feel genuinely concerned for my art, OCs and literature... I can't write, I can't draw, and I can't even storyboard when I really need to for certain OCs. I'm starting to come down with probably a sinus infection from how one side of my face is feeling, and when you're depressed it's easier to get sick. I think I'll keep to Skype on my phone and playing WoW with my soul sisters until I can work something out, or if I must simply... come to terms with the fact I can't be an artist. Which brings on a whole onslaught of other things that I don't need in my life right now.
God I just want to cry right now...
So while I'm experiencing a block of the unholy, there's also the complication of my mom and brother moving and since I'm not independent I'll be moving with my mom to my grandma's. See that's all well and good - I love my grandmother, jeez - but there's also the tidbit of I have never moved in my life from this house. In my years of consciousness, this house has always stood and I grew up here ; ; It feels weird moving from it, but my grandma needs my mom and I nearby (she's too old live by herself and her depression is blanketing, mind you my mom is worried sick about her and doesn't want her in a nursery home or something). I'm not used to the stress of moving, and the fact that my muses have all but left me is just.. ughh.
Furthermore I will be taking a hiatus, I will try to do art but I really don't want to be bugged for RP and I'm super sorry to groups I promised I'd be more active in (i.e.; PGA, Pokecino) but I think I may need this to handle the situation oTL (muses come back to me please to do something).
UPDATE I HAVE BEEN PLAYING IT SINCE MY BROTHER PLOPPED THE 3DS IN MY LAP So like a number of hours IDK IDC it's been amazing hrhrhghrghrghhgnnnn //hitaway
Mmmm new game smell.... I know what I WOULD be playing
if I had remembered that my brother had reign over the 3DS and he sold it, the bastard but at least I have it. I have the thing you guys.
I don't necessarily have a newsfeed journal to constantly update and I wanted to clean up my journals a bit so here we go a journal for my meatspace life.
Firstly I noticed that some of you took to the poll of "What Kind of Artist Am I?" and I intensely appreciate your feedback and clicks of honesty (at least I hope you were...), as I wanted to compare the first
to see if I've moved in a positive way or need to rethink my life plan. I'm glad that I have improved and understand that I have a long way to go to some kind of style or other (though I am content with the style now), I am actually saddened by the fact less of the poll believed I was a compassionate and caring artist. I shouldn't complain, it's been a long year, and there's been a lot of rekindling for my own sake to reach out to others; but I realize how hollow
I feel now, including quite a bit of detachment. I attempted to remedy that with little to no success and its discouraged me for proceeding any further along. I apologize, it seems my depression and desire to be addicted to something negative is starting to get the better of me.
Which brings me to the second observation, that unless I have a lot of inspiration from others I don't really put out as much as I want to. Paining myself to do something and completing it only feels half as satisfying as being inspired to do it. Motivation runs thinner than water when such, and I may have to put everything else on pause except %Pokecino shenanigans with Kirs. So I may not be doing as much art. My depression is relapsing on me pretty hard and I've been stressing myself and frustrating over stupid things that only irritate me with myself further, and my anxiety riddles me into further black. SO. As much as I don't want to ask it, or feel like I'm being a sap, I would grandly appreciate socializing and others actually coming by to say hi. I know some are lurkers, but it does make me happy when watchers or friends pay attention to me. Makes me feel that I can belong, y'know? It keeps the despair and stagnation from overtaking me. Again. I'm only asking, and I can understand if you guys prefer to stick to yourselves or are too busy for a derp like myself. It could also help push away this block of the unholy.
Thirdly, is anyone else as happy as I am for cold weather, rain and seeing all the pumpkins on tumblr??? I want pumpkin pie and sit around watching Halloween movies. *wriggles excitedly*